Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm too high and old for this...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
