After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
