i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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