Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
third nipple confirmed
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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