I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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