he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
