There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
