how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
