had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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