U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
