I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
