i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
