Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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