I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just pee around me
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
