Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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