I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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