Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
