you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You were trust falling into bushes
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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