y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
