I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
