Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
What drink are we having for lunch?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
