i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
