He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
How external is "for external use only"?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
