remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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