Whod you bang
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
