whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I want her autograph on my taint
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
