Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
