apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
