she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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