if i can run in heels then i can drive
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
