My cat gives me a boner
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize