News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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