i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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