Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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