so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
