my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
