I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
