i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I could make wine with my vomit
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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