i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
