can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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