in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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