I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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