i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
