he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
