I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
4 words: hood of his car
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
