just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
