dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i think i just lost a toe
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
