She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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