Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
