im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
