I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
