She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
