i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
